Day three

I am moving out of the worst of it. I wonder if this journal should be best kept as a track of my moods, so that I can see if there is a pattern to it. The worst was the day before yesterday, yesterday a major problem was solved, though something smaller came up, and my mood lightened. Today I feel good, neutral good. So maybe that dark and terrible mood connected into my fear, and the underlying sorrow that's been haunting for a couple of years, triggering this whole long episode, instead of the brain chemical problem I suspect. Anyway...

There is a problem with a friend, but I've gone into that on another journal. Today I want to think about being pretty. What I can see in my head as I think are a handful of turquoise beads. Images turn up, they go away. I want to feel pretty again.

I put on a little weight, just enough to make me feel uneasy. I stopped feeling pretty when he didn't want me.

So I must start again. I will mood track, write down the images, I will find a way to where I want to be. Because if I am a depressive, I've got to be aware of the cycle pattern. I don't want drugs for this, the way my brain works is different and creative, and I must work with that.

(no subject)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:DTI-sagittal-fibers.jpg