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...is laid out in front of me, simple and clear as a map; one of those maps with 'here be dragons' and 'Terra Incognita' written along its edges, and coastlines more to do with cartographic imagination than geography.
I understand that the quest put in front of me is that of Psyche seeking Eros, to forsake everything and enter the underworld for love.
To give up that which I know, take a leap of faith and surrender all for my hope, an ideal of love that may not answer. If I knew it would answer, this wouldn't be the quest. The idea is to know it could just as easily, perhaps more easily fail than become, and yet to risk that for the hope of it. Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.
I understand. And I am going to fail before I begin. Because I do not hurt the heroes, and if the first thing needed is the sacrifice of a loving heart, I am not going to do it.
This ties in with something I asked in my heart, a long time ago. I paid for it then, I have paid for this for over 3 years now. But at last I understand it.
Turning away from this quest, all I can do is apologise to the Heart for not freeing myself to follow. It's not just because I would gamble away my little family and all the security I have...it's because I would definitely hurt the last person in the world I could bear to harm, and possibly to no good end.
I am not ready to sacrifice good people for my dream. And yes, some of this is selfish too, I admit it. I have been too hurt by not doing this quest, a long slow wound that bled me close to death. Doing it might just finish me off completely.
Still at last I know that is what this is about. At last.
All I can do is make peace with my gods about this.
I understand that the quest put in front of me is that of Psyche seeking Eros, to forsake everything and enter the underworld for love.
To give up that which I know, take a leap of faith and surrender all for my hope, an ideal of love that may not answer. If I knew it would answer, this wouldn't be the quest. The idea is to know it could just as easily, perhaps more easily fail than become, and yet to risk that for the hope of it. Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.
I understand. And I am going to fail before I begin. Because I do not hurt the heroes, and if the first thing needed is the sacrifice of a loving heart, I am not going to do it.
This ties in with something I asked in my heart, a long time ago. I paid for it then, I have paid for this for over 3 years now. But at last I understand it.
Turning away from this quest, all I can do is apologise to the Heart for not freeing myself to follow. It's not just because I would gamble away my little family and all the security I have...it's because I would definitely hurt the last person in the world I could bear to harm, and possibly to no good end.
I am not ready to sacrifice good people for my dream. And yes, some of this is selfish too, I admit it. I have been too hurt by not doing this quest, a long slow wound that bled me close to death. Doing it might just finish me off completely.
Still at last I know that is what this is about. At last.
All I can do is make peace with my gods about this.
