Impatience and other things.

I don't like to wait. I want change now if it's nice and not at all if it isn't.

Sent my photo in for the Aviva Big Picture campaign. It got chosen to be shown on the side of some building in Singapore central mall. I watched the live stream for a while and got bored. My picture hasn't been shown yet, and I don't really care one way or the other. What, am I hoping it will lead to something better? Dreams, pretty harmless narcissism. I am used to nothing changing as I want or when it should. It delays until I am bored with waiting. I'm bored with this all ready, turned away. After all, what does it do? Nothing.

Dreams, I am not surprised I dreamed of the underwater hades. He was in the country over those days, I think he has just flown back, I think he is gone again. Nothing,nothing,nothing.

I asked for a sign and he was there...but I am tired of significant nothings. I am tired of that word. Synchronicities pass for nourishment in the mansion of the famished mind. That's all these symbols are.

When I close my eyes I nearly faint. What is wrong with me? I need sleep, no good, I'm working tonight. I have this other thing on Saturday. Then something after that, and no energy, no fire to face it. I have, she told me, a gift of flame. But it feels empty as an old nest in me, a cup of nothing. What is this?

Rain

It's a really good feeling. Wild outside, windy, every tree is abandoning summer, leaves, leaving. My back door was open, the floor covered in pawprints and leaves, russet and yellow. Beautiful, something, at last something I feel.

The sun's behind the clouds, going down soon anyway. I am happier.