(no subject)

Changing things is hard when you have no energy. I must rejoin a sorta agency thing today, but I don't want to because I will need to go through security clearance with my bank to do it and I've forgotten my banking password. Again.

I feel so undervalued and unloved, this must be another dip. A trigger last night, not intentional. So here I am again, I just screamed at him, he wants me to try hard, make things happen, be constructive, and all I want to do is cry.

The Thing That Happened cannot help my mood right now. There is no point me going into work.I wish it was all over.

I wonder if I suffer clinical depression. Certainly no sleep and all the rest of it. I don't know, I have to get up and do things, I have to...

I can't.

Plenty

Someone sent me a bouquet today.
Deep velvet red roses
Huge russet maple leaves
Green leaves and ferns
Some pretty white fleur unknown to me
French marigolds of the type that graced every pair of curtains in 60s Ingerland.
Autumn and fire!

The sender left a note which said, 'There is plenty of beauty in the world.'